Mandate 3: Why Should I Care About What I Look Up on Google?

It's not like it's 1999, but you're still using AltaVista. Get with the times, grandpa. Google is not just a search engine, it's a reflection of your soul.

Think about it, every time you type something into that search bar, it's like you're screaming into the void, "I'm a loser, I have nothing better to do!"

Justifications

It's Not Just About the Results
You Should Care Because I Said So
It's a Reflective Therapy Session

Mandatory Reading:

You Look Up on Google Because You Want To
You Look Up on Google Because You Have To